Monday, 23 April 2012

Not losing my religion, but my church may lose me

The REM song Losing My Religion sprung to mind yesterday morning as I stormed out of church. Not that I am losing mine but certain lines stuck out.

That's me in the corner
That's me in the spotlight
Losing my religion
When I am in the bad we do sit down in the corner after we have finished playing waiting for the sermon. That was where I was yesterday morning, in the front pew next to the West door. Although I was furthest into the pew by the time we had all set down instruments and headed out. So in essence I was in the corner and in full view of most of the congregation.

That was where I was when the prayers of intercessions mentioned the evil of equal marriage, asked to pray for our lawmakers that they would come to their senses. There was me who had made sure that those very lawmakers were not forcing any church to do anything their didn't want to do in bringing this forward.

You see the issue I have is that I'd love God to be involved in helping me find someone that I can love, helping me find someone that I can spend the rest of my live with, and if possible and both of us agree invite God to the wedding if there is one. Of course that is something that I still couldn't do even if civil marriage is equalised. But my church doesn't even want me the option of getting civilly married.
I thought that I heard you laughing
I thought that I heard you sing
I think I thought I saw you try
There is no thought about any of these statements all of these did happen. You see I may have stormed out during the prayer but I snuck in just behind the  door I'd stormed out of to listen to a lot of the sermon, which yesterday was on marriage. I could go off into an Alanis Morissette song there ironically, but I won't. When then had been announced earlier I was half thinking how much of that could I listen too calmly.

There was laughing, from the congregation at a few jokes that were hurtful to anyone present who may have been homosexual. I did hear them and the laughter and was in tears, when I did hear that.

The reason I did hang around is that there was one more song. Both our worship leader and the drummer had come out after me to see if I was okay. You see there are people in the church who do care about the hurt this is causing. The drummer is someone I have known for years, he grew up a few doors down from us, he was behind me age wise within the Boys' Brigade and was another decent runner, he is now an elder in the congregation so might well have been at the meeting where my application for membership was discussed and voted down. Because they had done that and said come back in we need your bass for the last song I didn't just dander across to Costa for a coffee.

Having said that the words of the last song were too much for me at one point. Having noticed the hypocrisy and cherry picking of the sermon to meet one meaning I just couldn't carry on playing for a few bars.

Then there was the try from the minister to say he understood that I was upset but that he didn't want to hurt me. It was rather too late for that, I was already getting hurt by this escalation of attacks on marriage equal poeple as a gay christian but also as one of the poeple who had got this issue dealt with in a sympathetic way for churches in the first place.

I'm not losing my religion, nor my faith, but my church is most likely on the verge of losing a bassist if that is all I was to them.

1 comment:

  1. I've often wondered why a person of true faith needs to be a member of an organisation that purports to represent that faith. I see faith and religion as being linked but wholly distinct.

    I may go to a church, but that does not mean I have any faith at all. The church is an irrelevant interpretation by men who have a vested interest in the interpretation they put upon their faith.

    If I have faith that will, of itself, sustain me. I need no church.

    The two are not mutually exclusive, but neither required the other. A church, though, tends not to exist without an initial, and probably simple and untarnished faith. Faith, pure faith, has never required a church to create or maintain it.

    Be as proud of your faith as you are despairing of your church. Retain the one and discard the other.